by Johannah Simon
Cover the mirrors. Even the bathroom mirrors. You’ll need double-stick tape or removable plastic hooks. The bathroom mirrors are flat against the wall. Not built for mourners. The mirrors are dealbreakers, you’ll need to find a way.
Set up chairs. That’s not enough chairs. Call a neighbor, you’ll need to borrow their chairs. Maybe a card table. How many chairs is that? Ask if they have more folding chairs.
Borrow the books from the shul. Hope they are in Hebrew and English transliteration. You’re too embarrassed to tell the Mourning Coordinator that you don’t have anyone in the home that can lead the prayers. Hint that you need the Rabbi to come. Be prepared for a lay leader. At least he’ll know the prayers. At least he’ll appreciate that you covered the mirrors. You have a haimish home. You need him to know that.
Ask your husband to search the basement for the wedding kippot. They’ll be in a box with other happy mementos from that day. There should be a lot of them in the box. His family didn’t understand they were supposed to wear a kippah, or at least take one as a wedding keepsake. Send him back to the basement hours later to find old photo albums. You realize you never took enough photos.
Food. The food. His family won’ t know to bring something. Order a lox platter online. Extra basket of bagels, remember to ask for pre-sliced. You are embarrassed you don’t have a good-looking bread knife. You got one 20 years ago as a wedding gift. Misplaced. Order a sweet tray. Not too festive. It’s not a party. Maybe fruit rugalach. Babka squares. Mandel bread. Order a tray of brownies, just in case. You don’t want your in-laws to starve.
Send him out to pick up boxes of donut shop coffee. Remind him that you’ll need the creamers, sugars, and stirrers. Remind him to ask for cups. Extra cups. You won’t want to wash dishes. Double the amount of paper cups.
Add up the people. Enough chairs for everyone, but not enough folks for a minyan. Send the kids to knock on neighbors’ doors. You’re certain a few will drop by to help you make your numbers. Think about the irony that in an interfaith family, most relatives won’t count. You’ll need strangers there to pray. Something else you’ll need to explain quietly to his family.
Set up the water pitcher at the front door. Don’t forget the paper towels and a plastic bag for garbage. Not many remember to wash hands after the cemetery. You’re currently a member of a Reconstructionist congregation but you were raised Conservative. You remember. You wonder if your children will remember the water pitcher for your shiva. You wonder if your children will honor your tradition and give you a shiva. You wonder if they have been lost to Easter baskets and Christmas trees. You wonder if you’ve been too accommodating. You wonder if you’ll be the last one in your line. That there will be no one left to light candles and recite Yizkor for you.
You grieve.
Johannah Simon (she/her) is a corporate strategist, adjunct professor, and (sometime) creative. A Midwest GenX multi-genre writer, her tiny pieces have appeared in Citywide Lunch, HAWKEYE, BULL, The Hooghly Review, Underbelly Press, A Sufferer’s Digest, and Fahmidan Journal. Hit her up on X @JohannahWrites, @johannah.bsky.social, and at www.thewritingtype.com.
